Well, as my mom reminded me, I haven't blogged in a few days. It's not that I haven't wanted to--trust me, I have! It's, just, well, there's so much going on that sometimes I forget to process it. And, sometimes there's so much going on that I don't physically have the time to catch up with the world outside of this box.
Since I posted last on Tuesday, Wednesday was chaotic with people stopping in and with kids' time. We went to pick them up on Wednesday for the younger children's worship time. I have been taking my supervisor's vehicle because her SUV fits a few more people than my little Chevy Cavalier. I've picked kids up a few times now, always following behind Alicia, the Diaconal Minister candidate, but each time allows for some new insight. This particular day involved realizing how unsafe the whole process of picking up the kids is. On our way back to the center, after making our loop, I asked the kids to count how many of us were in the vehicle. Guesses on how many? There were 15 of us in one car, an SUV, but still only a five-person vehicle. Now, to be clear, I completely understand that this is not good practice. My seminary professors would probably smack me for allowing such a thing to happen. My mom would probably smack me if she could.
I'm finding that internship, especially in this place, is challenging many of the "best practice" ideas that we have. I can't really comment that this is unsafe, as a practice, when I saw a car pull into the center parking lot with no windshield the other day. Yes, literally no windshield. Just as we debated about baptizing infants who had died, at the intersection of theology and pastoral care, I find this to be an intersection between safe practice and safe place. We call this kids' time "Sanctuary," as I've explained before, because it's not only worship, but it's a place where there is to be no bullying, no name-calling, no hurtful actions or anything else that causes damage to another person's mind, body or spirit. On this particular night, it hit me what "Sanctuary" really means.
With roughly 45 kids running and screaming in the basement of the center (basement, since it's 105 degrees out right now), it was rather noisy. Kids were all over the place. At one point, I noticed a little girl crying. Pretty common for 45 kids' worth of chaos. I bent down and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I want my mom. I want to go home with my mom." My response: "Oh, sweetie, you'll see your mom in a bit when we're done with worship and our meal." Her response: "No!!! I don't know if my mom or anybody will be at my house when I get home. I think something happened!" Knowing what I know about Pine Ridge and the children that we work with, I knew that this wasn't a fear of if somebody was going to be home right when she got home, but that the fear was of whether or not people had left her or had been forced to leave. Pastor Karen told me that we've had kids go home to find that their families left or were arrested. My heart broke when this precious girl feared that she'd be alone. I looked her in the eyes and said, "You know what? I have no idea what home will be like when you get there, but for now, we're going to worship together and get a good meal in your belly, then we'll play some games. I can promise you that you'll be safe here." Her tears stopped and she eventually found her way playing and laughing with the other children.
Spoiler alert: When I took her home, she pointed out family members on the porch, so she wasn't alone.
But here's the thing about 15 people in a car, if it means getting kids to a safe space, even for a little bit, then maybe it's a risk we need to take.
I'll also add that when I led worship this night, the 45 screaming and running kids didn't settle down for worship...at all. We eventually got to the song, "I'll Do My Best" and I realized that it will be my mantra for this year. "I'll do my best, I'll do my best, O-O-O, I'll do my best for you." Basically, this year has already been trying, whether through moments of having children screaming and running and spitting and fighting, or through moments where I look into a little girl's eyes and pray that she does have a safe space at home to go to.
The verses of the song go serve, praise, love and walk in the ways of the Lord. Seems pretty fitting for this year.
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